I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize