In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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