3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
