there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
