Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
