he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fill condoms, not promises.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
