I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
...so i touched it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
