I have demons in me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
