they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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