Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
