he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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