CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
