Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
