I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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