Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
