how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
