Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
