our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize