We're facebook friends in real life
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize