When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't deserve a penis
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
