my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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