I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize