bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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