R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
