Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
