Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
