Soap is not a condiment
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
