take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
