remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize