i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
