Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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