I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
then he tried to convert me to islam
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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