When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
