im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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