The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
