Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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