I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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