Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
