The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
