Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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