He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
