I could have mohawked her pubes.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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