If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize