dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just cropdusted the office
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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