in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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