She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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