just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
