What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
