Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's great music for shaving your balls
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
