Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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