I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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