At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
