it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
