I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
