meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
