I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
