I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
