You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
