Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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