i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
