College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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