i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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