She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
