is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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