Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
