I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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