there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
