Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
