too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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