i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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