Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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