forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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