Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
