I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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