When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Success! We fucked roommates!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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