Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize