when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
