Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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