I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
