So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
home. puking in laundry basket.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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