Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
