I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
