Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
