Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Two words: nipple clamps
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