he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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