I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
