our cab driver is having phone sex.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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