watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
