What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
